Have the conversation before it gets completely dark

Have the conversation before it gets completely dark

If you don't learn to talk about feelings early on, you won't be able to do so when things unfold.

Jonas Velde Sivaldrude

Young, Master's in Psychology

There are many brave people who have spoken out about their mental health publicly.

For example, footballer Andre Sudlund, who spoke frankly about how what looked like a dream life from the outside was actually very bleak.

Or the artist Aniete Saba, who spoke openly about the psychological problems that forced her to take a break from her music career for several years.

These help show that it is permissible to talk about feelings. Even the difficult ones. This is a beautiful thing.

What we may not think about is that we need to get better at talking about it to It becomes completely dark.

I've been very bad at talking about feelings my whole life. She grew up in a nice family, but was always “sheltered” from difficult emotions. No one talked about or cared about feelings.

Additionally, I grew up in a football environment. Also no one cared about my feelings. Especially not difficult. That's why I've never been trained to talk about feelings. I had no one to practice with.

When my hardest days came suddenly, I didn't have the tools to deal with them.

It's impossible to learn a new skill when you're at your darkest.

It's a bit like learning to swim after jumping into the deep end.

Moreover, there are not only footballers who attend matches. No one can play a concert the first time they pick up a guitar. In the same way, it may be impossible to put difficult feelings into words the first time you really need to. It requires countless hours of training.

We should practice when we feel good or better. We should dare to talk about difficult things even when we are having a good time. That's when we really learn something from training.

It's hard to be an extrovert: “It can be impossible to put difficult feelings into words the first time you really need to. It takes countless hours of practice,” writes Jonas Velde Sivaldrud. Image: Shutterstock

My relationships weren't built to talk about such things.

It was like I didn't even know what words to use.

There were no words I had ever used that could explain what I felt inside. So I closed myself off completely.

In doing so, I destroyed the friendships I had built over many years. I couldn't even talk to my best friend. I feel ashamed of that day.

If I had had some practice talking about feelings before these days, I'm pretty sure friendships would have been stronger, instead of damaged.

In defense, we worked hour after hour disassembling and reassembling the weapon. Even after we succeeded every time, we continued to practice. We should make it happen faster.

We were supposed to do it blindfolded. We would have succeeded even if bullets were flying around our ears.

Practicing talking about feelings is especially important for us men. Many of us have never practiced it.

At home, we were told to “get it together” and in our friend group there was never room to talk about feelings.

Those who spoke out about feelings were often ridiculed and hanged.

It then becomes completely unrealistic to expect us to be able to talk about our feelings when everything is completely dark.

I think this is one of the reasons why 2 out of 3 of those who choose suicide in Norway are men.

We don't have the skills to talk about it when things get tough, because we've never trained “in peacetime.”

The theme of World Mental Health Day is #Give8Minute. It's about setting aside eight minutes to talk to someone you care about — every day. Can we use some of these eight minutes to talk openly about feelings?

It can be vital exercise for your friend, and although you may not realize it now, it will be important for you too. A day in the future.

Next time someone asks me how I'm doing, I'll answer honestly.

Hopefully this will make it easier for my friend to be honest.

This is the facts. The facts express the writer's position. You can send logs and discussion posts to [email protected]. The Unge meninger project is funded with support from Stiftelsen Tinius. Read more.
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