He describes her as narcissistic and claims that she was unfaithful.
A few years ago my husband started behaving in an unusual way for him. He seemed unreachable and was very angry. And he’s had a few episodes where he’s overstepping his bounds in front of our young children. We started couples therapy, and eventually I found out he was unfaithful.
He did not express much remorse for what happened. Back in the past, he was worried that I should understand why he was being unfaithful. This is largely due to the fact that he did not feel wanted in the relationship. He’s been a bit humble when it comes to seeing the pain his behavior has inflicted on him, and he seems almost obsessed with the idea of making me understand that my fault is that he’s acted infinitely in recent years.
I need to be investigated
I miss a little more humility, because I couldn’t make ends meet in the relationship either. As I see it, it’s a demanding extra period for a little kid that took us, and misunderstandings and explanations have brought us apart. However, he claims that I do not show sympathy for him and therefore I definitely think that I am a narcissist.
He asks to investigate me because of it. Or “prove” him that I’m not a narcissist, by behaving the way he thinks I should. I find that he is constantly trying to control my behavior and manipulate me. That he interprets me in the worst sense, and that he does not listen to me. His opinion is law, and if I don’t act as he thinks I should act, that’s proof that I’m a narcissist.
Maybe I’m a narcissist?
There are also completely different “rules” of what he can do and what I can do. It limits any unbridled behavior on his part by saying that it’s a natural reaction to something you’ve done wrong. In recent years, he has provided some form of evidence that I had this diagnosis, among other things by telling me that friends, neighbors, and family all react to my behavior.
I have many friends and good relationships with my whole family, but these constant comments from him make me feel insecure. I notice that it affects me in my interactions with others, and I am so downed by its woes that I sometimes wonder if he is right.
I found letters, letters, birthday cards, comments, and minutes of employee interviews to see if I was finding traces of people who didn’t like me. On the contrary, I am almost amazed at all the nice things people have written for me, and how they describe me as a person. I’m clinging a bit to these comments so you don’t fall apart completely. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s wrong when he claims I’m a narcissist. The few who were told of the accusations were shocked and disappointed that he believed so strongly.
Like I said, we’ve gotten into couples therapy, without it working. We mostly sit and discuss, and the therapist doesn’t focus much on him accusing me of being a narcissist. He’s taking this as proof that he’s right, and it makes me even more insecure. Regardless, I feel like I’m losing patience with my husband’s behavior.
I feel in my entire being that this is a huge mistake. I’m tired of his mood going from radiant and loving to angry and aggressive in no time. Is there any hope that he will change his mind and come back to himself again, or is it better to move on before this completely destroys me?
Psychologist Frode Thwain answers:
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