Mature man fighting
We know how extreme social control oppresses minority girls. But what do we know about boys? next to nothing. This stood in the way of women’s liberation.
This is a comment. The comment reflects the author’s position
The good picture of social order, where men rule over women and the family stands over the individual, comes from the animal kingdom.
If you stick to the herd, you will live. If you fall outside, you will be hacked to death by predators.
Only that in patriarchal tribal societies, it is the individual that tears you to shreds.
And the person who falls outside can be a woman and a man. We know very well about the former, but we have forgotten and ignored the latter.
This is what the Minister of Culture and liberal politician Abed Raja reminds us of in his book “My Sin”.
With a shocking account of his life, he opens the narrow room where many men of order are trapped.
The difference between them and us women in such environments is that men are generally higher in rank, status, and privileges than we are. They have often blinded us to the suffering they may be subjected to.
Because no matter how bad they are, they are better off than women. They may be oppressors, but they are also oppressors.
Patriarchy requires the subjection of the individual. It is achieved through inalienable gender roles. There is only room for one type of woman, say the least and sacrifice the most. And only one kind of guy. A “real” man, called “Alpha Man”.
This is the kind that is painstakingly cultivated from cradle to grave. It permeates all aspects of life.
Who gives food first, to whom is heard. Men learn that they deserve the best, without earning it.
This is the alpha male who has hitherto been at the top of the social status hierarchy. They have greater access to power, money, and women – which they gain through physical superiority, and the use of various forms of power.
A pitta man is the “good man,” or “slipper” and “wife slave,” as others in this system like to call them.
When there is little room and acceptance for humanity and ‘deviation’, such a society, especially of the kind prevailing in countries like India and Pakistan, will cultivate a toxic masculine culture.
Abed Raja cuts all this off.
I know how much it cost us to lift the lid on women. Shows what it costs a man. We have a few examples of this, along with exceptions such as the book Dear Brother.
In a culture where “men don’t get hurt”, don’t cry – it exposes his humanity. Their painful wounds, their losses, their longing to belong, to be seen and recognized. And heartfelt softness. Softness is traditionally reserved for a mother for her sisters. But as he shows to his wife Nadia and his daughters.
honest without mercy
It’s a rough ride. From a man a lot (Pakistani) loves to hate Norwegians. It was hard to control. Lightning is intelligent, improbably successful, surprisingly popular. Sometimes he is seen as ruthless.
The Minister of Culture is a real Pakistani, and at the same time a real Norwegian.
I sat on the board of directors of the Pakistan Student Association in the mid-1990s with Abid Raja. I can point out that it has always occupied a lot of space. Now he says why.
He makes a ruthless and honest compromise, not only with the system of which he was a part, but also with himself. The latter is the strongest.
oppressed and oppressed
Because he describes the situation of claustrophobia as oppressive and oppressive at the same time:
«But controlling Nadia was easier than changing the Pakistani culture she grew up with and which surrounded us from all sides. I didn’t want it to be a problem, I just wanted everyone to shut up and be allowed to live in peace».
Abid Raja’s father leaves little to no honor in this story. But it is also a product of the same culture. For him, the room was, if possible, narrower than the room allotted to his son.
Significant decline in prestige
Our forefathers lost power and prestige when they moved from Pakistan to Norway in the 1970s. In the country of origin, they were participants in all spheres of society, whether they were rich or poor.
In Norway, they ended up at the lowest level on the ladder.
Many of them are washing the floor and they are all referred to as the “Pakistan problem”. Polygon for status, it was just a place many of them could exercise dominance – at home.
It became necessary to protect traditions. Consequently, women (and children), ironically, were more persecuted in Norway than where they came from.
on the right track
Children move in the right direction. but The girls moved faster.
For decades, minority women in Norway have lobbied for their ever-increasing freedom. They refused to be in the last row, refused to submit. They have taken higher education. Many times the man climbs in social status.
Not all men have ready to deal with.
Nadia Ansar and Ubaid Raja and their marriage, on the other hand, not only survived, but played a role in the patriarchy.
Allies in combat
Why exactly Monday? Because both managed to succeed. They are even at the top of the food chain. She is in academia, as a politician. Both woman and man are seen, recognized and free.
The two show that fighting women needs to fight men. Women must support the men who are fighting the war against the system.
But a man’s desire for liberation must come from within. It is even more difficult, because for a man it means the renunciation of privileges, rank and the right to dominate “women”. This is why it is much slower.
This is why the book is the most important and courageous Abid Raja’s to date.
Gives a face to #she_it*. It is her.
And if I had to add – he is hers – and his.
*In 2014, the United Nations launched the HeforShe solidarity campaign. The purpose was to encourage men and boys to participate in gender equality work against negative gender stereotypes and actions.
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