Psychology, child rearing | Society without borders

It is claimed that we have failed to raise children to be empathetic and responsible, and that today's young people struggle to show respect for each other, leading to chaos in the classroom. I dare say it's not about a parent's ability to set boundaries, it's about how manipulative society and the system we live in are.

Our children start their lives early in institutions and spend a large part of their childhood there. Unfortunately, there are very few adults here! There are very few safe adults that children can rely on and who can set the necessary boundaries. When we build a society on a model where life is largely rooted in under-resourced institutions, we leave our children as losers, without adults having the time to see, acknowledge, and adapt to their feelings. After that, all that remains are the boards and peers that can be resorted to and adhered to, and in such a reality, the matter soon becomes limitless.

Read also

Daily violence and threats in Tunisia schools. -I see a little bad behavior

School plays a central role in children's upbringing, but in order to be able to provide space for children's academic, social and emotional development, the school must have more resources. More resources give teachers space to focus on the student and establish trusting and safe relationships. Setting boundaries only works in trusting relationships. Setting boundaries that work requires a certain degree of emotional connection and understanding between the adult and child because it creates an internal motivation in the child to maintain a positive relationship and act in keeping with the values ​​and norms of society. When trust is lacking, distance and conflict arise.

Read also

Environmental therapists: a helping hand for the teacher or the student?

It's not about control

It is an old-fashioned way of thinking to think that we can send our children to school and expect them to submit to authority. Being a visible adult to children isn't about exercising as much control as possible, it's about being a safe and empathetic leader. Unfortunately, in today's society we are obsessed with quick fixes that sound good and promise more control, like labels for “bad” behavior and star stickers for “good” behavior. The goal here is to shape the child's behavior so that it matches society's expectations. Be obedient and do as others do.

On the way we forget the most important thing: the relationship between us. Good relationships influence how our children cope, and what relationships they are able to build for themselves. It contributes greatly to a child's ability to regulate their emotions, which is key to good social competence and good mental health.

Read also

Three beads for the teacher

Here's something everyone needs to know: When kids hit, push, or become physically aggressive, it's not a matter of disrespect. It is a clear indication that the child lacks the skills and support needed to manage his or her feelings. No child wants to be violent; It is an expression of inner pain, exhaustion, or helplessness. In fact, the brain still undergoes major structural changes in the twenties (!), and the ability to deal with emotions, stop impulses and think about them again finally matures!

This means that when our children do something we do not like or cross the boundaries, it does not mean that the child does not know what is right, but that he is unable to stop himself from doing what is wrong. Children do the best they can with the circumstances available to them. It's good to understand that.

Read also

Marthe is a psychiatrist and meets many young people who are suffering. Now she has a message for her parents

Parents need help

I also think today's parents are tired. We spend little time with our children, and our afternoons are often exhausting. We live under enormous pressure as we are expected to work 200 percent, be excellent parents, pursue leisure activities, and volunteer – all without much support from the local community, family or others who can contribute. This makes it more difficult to set boundaries, because there is little redundancy to deal with one's own feelings, and therefore the child's feelings as well.

Read also

Breathe a sigh of relief for the children

It is time to realize that we need a collective effort to raise our children. We must work to create a society that provides adequate support and resources for parents, teachers, and all those who work with children. This includes, among others, generous paternity leave, flexible working life for parents of young children, significant financial investment in nurseries and schools, and enhanced efficiency in schools with regard to children's developmental needs and their social and emotional functioning. In addition, increased investment and recognition sEducational programs for parents.

Read also

Can you forgive?

Only when we have enough safe and competent adults to support us while raising children can we give them a foundation for developing into responsible, compassionate individuals who respect each other. It starts with abandoning the idea of ​​“us versus them.” In the responsibility of raising children, there are no winners or losers among teachers, parents, or others. The “borderless society” is a system-wide problem, and we must all take responsibility for changing course.